Daily Confessions 13

I'm watching an episode of Women of Impact on YouTube. It's called Don't Allow Yourself To Be Quieted, Step Into Yourself. It's fascinating.

Earlier today, I came across an apple pie at Sainsburys. I faltered for a minute, wondering whether I should get it now or closer to Xmas. 🎄

I stopped myself when negative thoughts related to my body image came into my mind. Thoughts like I'm going to gain weight, I'm getting chubby, other people will judge my body and assume that I eat crap, etc.

I changed my thoughts ASAP.  People will think whatever they want to think. I value the relationship with myself. I'm also on the path of getting my power back. You can read the blog post I wrote the other day called Get Your Power Back Part 1.

I bought the apple pie and Madagascan vanilla custard. 😂

It was delicious!

I feel like I'm evolving as a person who is becoming a better version of myself. I don't know if it's aging or embracing being more me, being more authentic. I value authenticity more these days in the way I communicate. I'm starting to feel a bit more empethatic towards myself. It's a start. That's enough about me.

What about you? How do you value yourself?

Surviving A Workplace Bully

This blog post is a mixture of a rant and a way of getting it out of me. Storytime on a Monday evening.

On a snowy April morning, I was nervous about my interview. It went well and I was offered the job on the spot. It was an optician's. However, I noticed that Manager R*'s  behaviour changed immediately. He spoke to me in a harsher way. I didn't know what to think of that.

As the weeks and months went by, he started to be antagonistic towards me and blame me for other people's mistakes. I couldn't defend myself because I needed the job.

There was a day when all the frame stock needed to be counted. A certain co-worker was doing that job. He came all the way upstairs, stood on a stool and shouted down at me that I'm upstairs and not helping that co-worker, while they're struggling to get that job done.
I couldn't say anything, tried not to cry and feel like a kid.

I'm sure other things happened, but I can't remember them.

I made mistakes as a newby trying to learn the job. Here is another incident. I was prescreening a px before she went to have her eye test and I showed the results to the optometrist. She saw it and frowned. Then she showed it to him. She said that the decimal point looked like a 1. He turned around on the spot and said,

"You're fired."

The optometrist was shocked. I was rooted to the spot. Then I turned around, pouted at him and returned to my job.

There was a time when I was quite new and I'd made a mistake, can't remember what. I ran upstairs to the loos to cry in a stall, when I passed by the store's overall manager and let the door bang shut behind me instead of holding it open for him.

Later on, I managed to stop crying and went back to work to find that manager talking to Manager R *. Manager R* later on told me that he talked to him about me and my customer care; how bad it was because I let the door shut in his face. Manager R* said that I would be reviewed in 3 months to see if they would keep me on.

That really pissed me off. I think I probably cried in the prescreening area, in the dark. 😂

OK, this is sounding depressing.  😂

Have you come across a workplace bully? Let me know. I'd love to hear your experiences.

*I really needed that support and didn't get it. That experience was awful in more ways than I can describe. It still feels traumatising in a way. That ringtone for the phone back then sends me straight back there. I'm going to name him here and put this behind me. Manager R * is Richard.

I don't expect him to apologise any time soon. 

Wonder Woman
XXX

Get Your Power Back Part 1

I've been thinking about the times when I felt that I gave my power away; when I felt undervalued or affected by someone else's words.

For the last several years, I've spent time getting to know myself. Recently, I've dived deeper. Every day, I've been practicing being present, choosing happiness over reacting to annoying things and my co-workers moodiness, especially Manager X*. I've gotten better at dealing with challenging situations at work instead of taking things personally or letting anxiety take over. I'm not perfect at all and take each day as it comes.

Manager X* is not a bad man. He reacts in a stressful way to every day work challenges. His emotions; grumpiness, antagonism, micromanaging (not an emotion) 😂 and at times bullying behaviour affects everyone. His emotional backlashes are predictable. I only realised that when I asked myself why I let him affect me negatively, where I'd get anxious and sometimes upset. Making grown people upset at work of all places is unacceptable. When I feel that way, I'd make myself invisible, almost transparent hoping that I wouldn't be noticed.

Anyway, I noticed that I let him make me feel that way. I gave away my power. How do I get it back?

Hence begins the journey. The first step is Get to know yourself. I've been practicing self-care, self-love and being creative. This is an ongoing process. I will update you on my journey.

Take care!

Wonder Woman XXX

Manager X*: This is my current manager and won't be named. 

Daily Confessions 12

I'm nibbling on cookies and watching the SacconeJolys. It's been a frustrating day. Not all of it, just the last 2 hours of it. It was kinda stressy. I'm glad I'm home, chilling out and so ready to go to bed. It's only 6.13PM. 😂
I really can't be bothered to make dinner. I think I will get some writing done. 😊 Possibly some reading too.

What do you do to calm down and relax?

Christmas has arrived at work with gigantic baubles. Christmas music is taking over and crowds of people are taking over the isles. 

Do you like and enjoy Christmas? My workmate doesn't care for it and keeps saying bah humbug! 😂  It cracks me up. I call her the Grinch.

What do you like about this time of year and what don't you like?

I'm loving Xmas films, fuzzy blankets, candles, treats, Xmas shop windows, moody skies and delicious hot drinks.

I'm not loving the darkness that Winter has brought with her. Although, with all the Xmas lights and festivities, it's hopeful. Getting up in the morning is getting harder. The regular rain is annoying. I don't mind the cold.

Practicing gratitude every day helps a lot with all that I've mentioned.

I'll leave you for now with a better blog post tomorrow. Take care! 😘

Wonder Woman
XXX

Daily Confessions 11

If trees were saints. 

Today, I was thinking about trees and all the good things that they do. Then, for some reason, I thought about saints. I had to compare them to each other. If this bores you to death, consider it your Friday silly post and enjoy! :)

Trees provide a place for animals to shelter in, food for their survival and a home for insects and birds. 

Saints are selfless and want to help other humans in need. They provide shelter and food for people who need it the most.

Trees absorb carbon dioxide, potentially harmful gasses and release oxygen. 

Saints, let's not mention the gasses. I guess they give out give vibes.

Trees are beautiful from the outside.

Saints are beautiful from the inside.

Trees reduce air temperature contributing in lowering the overall temperature of the atmosphere. 

Saints are cool.

Trees reduce the effects of landslides.

Saints are able to work miracles.

Trees are miracles in all that they do and offer. 

There's a lot more to trees and saints, but if trees were saints, their leaves would be their halos. 

*****************************************************************************

Much later on:  

I wrote 500 words before having dinner. I'm proud of myself. I'm being consistent. It looks like I'll be writing 500 words every day, at least on my work days. Hight five!

I'm listening to a book that is amazing. It's called The Third Door by Alex Banayan. It's mainly about his journey on how successful people got to where they got to. For most of the book, he's been trying to get an interview with Bill Gates, for the main part. He's gone through so many rejections that I feel for him. He's so relatable. Check it out. I think you'll like it. I'll let you go. I'm quite tired tonight.

Good Night.

Wonder Woman

XXX

Daily Confessions 10

From a cup of tea to 500 words!

You're probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Let me clarify it for you.

I don't know if it's an age thing or a work thing or even a winter thing. It's natural to be tired after a work day. I do find being creative like writing or drawing much harder at night, because when I'm that tired, all I want to do is chill out and watch Netflix or YouTube. I think winter has something to do with it too. The cold darkness makes me want to hibernate until April. If I do that, I won't get anything done. So, yesterday, when I came home, I made myself a cup of tea, changed into my cosies and turned my laptop on.

I blogged, listened to a couple of podcast episodes and wrote 500 words. Initially, I wanted to write 1,000 words, but I had to compromise with myself because I was getting quite tired. I lasted about 3 hours before I had to stop and chill out a bit before going to bed. I'm counting that as a winning streak!

Today, I did the same thing. I'm getting quite hungry thinking of my dinner while snacking on crunchy peas from Graze. The podcast I was listening to yesterday and todays is Don't Keep Your Day Job. It has the same title of the book by Cathy Heller. The podcast is amazing! It's so inspiring and pushes me to keep going. Here's the link if you want to check it out. You'll find me mentioning this podcast quite a bit in the near future. Another podcast that I love is The Skinny Confidential podcast. The episode that I love is the one with Gabby Bernstein. If you're dabbling in spirituality, you'd have heard of her. The link is also below.

https://www.dontkeepyourdayjob.com/episodes/alex-banayan-returns

https://tscpodcast.com/episodes/

I took a break from blogging and returned to Keepers of the Crypt. I wrote 500 words. I'm happy with where it's going and I'm excited to write more every day. I think I will carry on with my 500 word limit, for now.

I'm going to leave you for now. My dinner is calling for me.
Good night.

Wonder Woman

XXX

Daily Confessions 9

What are instincts? 

According to the Collins dictionary, the definition of instinct is:

*Instinct is the natural tendency that a person or animal has to behave or react in a particular way. 

There's a British definition-one of several that I relate to. It is:

*Inborn intuitive power. 

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/instinct

Why am I talking about instincts? 

After going to the loo about 1am, I snuggled up in bed and was trying to go back to sleep. My mind was really active. I started breathing deeply to get myself to relax. I started thinking about instincts. We've obviously used our instincts to survive and evolve for hundreds of thousands of years. I like the second definition that I've mentioned. Inborn intuitive power. It sounds like magic. How do we access that power? Are there spells? What are we listening for when those instincts are trying to tell us something? And why is that voice so quiet compared to the natter of the mind? I suppose things like meditation and quiet time might help us tune into that power. 

I've listened to my instincts in the past. When that voice was loud and firm with me, I listened. It does seem like these days, it's fainter. Where did it go? I've decided to hone in on it and make it louder like an obnoxious teen on the bus. 

What do you think? Do you listen to your instincts? If yes, how?

I'd love to hear from you. 

Good night.

Wonder Woman

XXX

Daily Confessions 8

One of my favourite people online is Jay Shetty. I watched him interview Hasan Minhaj. The episode is called How To Strategically Express Yourself and Take Criticism Positivity.

If you've ever seen Patriot Act on Netflix, you'll know how funny Hasan is. He talks about political/social and mental health issues, and uses comedy to communicate his thoughts, ideas and facts. It's worth a watch.

There was a natural conversation between them. It didn't seem like an interview. Hasan was just as funny as he is on the show. He talked about how he takes critism more positively, being fired from his past jobs and how he prepares for his show.

You’ll find it on Jay Shetty's YouTube channel.

I'll leave you tonight.
Good Night.

Wonder Woman
XXX   

Daily Confessions 7

Sundays are one of my favourite days. It's a full on chill out day. 🐱

I carried on reading Don't Keep Your Day Job by Cathy Heller. I love reading stories about ordinary people who grow their hobbies into a successful career. 😊

I recently cancelled my gym membership. I realised that I didn't enjoy it anymore. It's not worth being unhappy and feeling like you have to workout at a gym to be healthy. It put a negative light on how I viewed my body, which made me feel like I had to change it to be thinner and look healthier.

There was a point when I felt pressured to go to this gym or that gym with a certain set of friends. I felt so bad that I tried out a gym that I've never been to, but it wasn't me. It seemed that I was loosing myself to be like my friends. So, I'm not doing gyms at the mo.

Don't get me wrong, I do like working out. I won't ever let myself be controlled/influenced like that again.There are things I've been meaning to try and will experiment in the new year.

I'm spending time getting to know myself, practising self-care, self-love and being compassionate towards myself.

I'm also working on resetting my morning and night routine, especially getting more sleep and using my phone less at night. It makes me feel more awake in the morning, especially at work.

Anyway, I'll leave you tonight.
Good night.

Wonder Woman
XXX

Daily Confessions 6

Saturday was alright. I was working and all I wanted to do is go back to bed. If you work on the weekend, I feel you. 💜

Dealing with a grump/stressy manager is hard. I feel for the rest of my colleagues who have to deal with him all day long. Having a bad attitude and being blamey is terrible for people who have to deal with it. It can also come across or turn into bullying.

Mental health is really important. In a place that doesn't support that, it can be really tough to be present and present your best self. Take time out if you need it. You are important. ♥

On Saturday nights, I tend to let myself chill out and let go of the day.

It's a shorter one today. Have a good night.

Wonder Woman
XXX

Daily Confessions 5

Today was great.
Most of us at work wore bright clothes for Children In Need. I donated and wore a yellow head band with pudsies's ears on it. It's really cute.

Winter has really set in when it starts to get dark at 2pm when it's raining. If you've ever worked in a building, you'll notice cold spots, drafts and goosebumps. Sounds like a haunting. It's not. It's our long lost friend, Winter. 💨❄💧

A customer brought in a pair of glasses that were 3.5 years old and out of guarantee. He was complaining about the coating. Plus it seemed like he needed an eye test, leaving the details out.

Talking/writing about this kind of thing is really therapeutic.
Explanation: He wanted a free pair of glasses. Annoying. 😂

I felt creative today. I wrote some poetry and chilled in the evening. I watched a few episodes of A Conversation With. It's Phillip DeFranco's podcast. He has a YouTube news channel.

There weren't any more fly bodies. Good news? I don't know. 

Good Night,
Wonder Woman
XXX

Daily Confessions 4

Bing! Bing! Bing! Bring out your dead! The body count piled high...as more blue bottles were swept up. I battled with a few more this morning.

Moving on from insects, today was alright except for a couple of annoying things I had to deal with workwise. I left late and decided to treat myself to some snacks and chill out. This week's been intense.

I settled down to watch a show called Guilt on Netflix. it's so good! Try it and see what you think.

****Intermission****

I accidentally fell asleep. Oops. 😂

I wanted to say that Today is World Kindness Day. I do feel that these days, we are more disconnected and lonely even though we are connected online. Be kind to yourself and practice some self-care. Be kind to the bus driver, he gets a lot of shit from customers. Be kind to whomever is serving you, they get even more shit and abuse from customers and managers.

Smile more tomorrow. Who knows, you might brighton someone'sday.

Good night.

Wonder Woman
XXX

Daily Confessions 3

Sometimes cuddling up in bed into a warm cocoon is the best thing ever. I haven't taken my make up off. DAMN IT. Dramatics aside, today was hard work. The body count was high. I counted twelve cadavers in the area I was working alone. Of blue bottles that is. There were more near the steps of doom and on the landing. So maybe 30-50 bit the dust. That was after the bug spray was used intensely. So gross! 💀

When I got home, I had a nutella cronut. It was so good. That was the last one.  I have no excuse to treat myself. I read a couple of chapters of Don't Keep Your Day Job by Cathy Heller. It's super inspiring. I've been thinking about doing more art and writing more consistently. Will update you more on what I've been upto creatively.
I'm returning to my cocoon.
Good Night.

Wonder Woman
XXX

Daily Confessions 2

Today was a typical busy day, except for the blue bottles that kept flying around the room I was working in. They're massive! Four or five of them kept buzzing about all day. They were touchy feely; getting too close to me and trying to land on me. I swatted them with bits of paper and my left arm.

The landing was also infiltrated with blue bottles. There were about ten of them crawling or flying all over a large window. So gross. For some reason it reminded me of The Exorcism. I bet those maggots hatched into blue bottles. Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, I came into work and notice loads of white wriggly things on a flight of steps. Above the flight of steps is a partially open sky light. Loads of birds hang out there and occasionally, bird poo lands on those steps. So it went from poo to maggots. That was the sensation of the week. At some point, someone came in and sorted it out. No maggots so far. But, today, blue bottles descended  upon us. I'm sure the maggots were still there. I'm scared that the rotting bird is going to fall down in pieces and disintegrate on the steps of doom.

Anyway, right now I'm listening to an audio book. It's a "beach read". I've never read a "beach read" before. It's a really good distraction. It's called The Beach Café by Lucy Diamond. I was happy to see that a book I got recently arrived today. It's called Don't Keep Your Day Job by Cathy Heller. I'm excited to read it. I had another donut. A raspberry and pistachio one. It was very tasty.

I'm going to chill out tonight. No screen time. Will see how it goes.
I'll leave you tonight.
Good Night.

Wonder Woman
XXX

Daily Confessions 1

I'm sitting on my bed, waiting for donuts/cronuts to arrive and listening to The Box of Oddities podcast Halloween edition 1, because I can't get enough of Halloween already! 

Since this is a confessions blog, I decided to do this on a daily basis and share my writing/life struggles with you. On this Monday, it's my day off work and I'm enjoying the sunshine  indoors. Anybody relates to that? Besides, it's cold and I'm cosy with my blankets, podcast and a blueberry donut which just arrived. 

I really enjoyed this past Halloween. I was meant to go to a Frankenstein play, but I didn't really feel like it so I stayed in and got ready. Using a lot of eyeshadow, my face was blue and my cheeks were shimmery gold. An alien hunting for children to eat. The kids who came to the door appreciated it. I love it when they come up to the door and say, "trick or treat!" They're so cute!

Today is Armistice Day or Remembrance Day. I always send my wishes to the families that have lost those brave soldiers. 11/11 also has a different meaning for different people. If you're into spirituality, it may mean that the universe is telling you to be more aware or that your angels or spirit guides are trying to communicate with you, or you are about to manifest. There are many reasons/meanings for this number. Believe what you wish. I use it to remind myself to stay positive and that I'm on the right path. 

Something freaky just happened. I was listening to The Box of Oddities podcast Halloween edition 2. A lady was telling her story and she mentioned 1111 and today is 11/11. The podcast was published on 30/10. The host was also talking about 1111 while I was writing/typing 11/11. I don't know what to think about that. Coincidence? I'm not sure.

I took a break from blogging to write a 1,000 words for Keepers of the Crypt. I feel good about where I'm going with the book. 

I'll leave you tonight. Take care,

Wonder Woman

XXXX